In a world where success is defined by how much money we have in our bank account, what prestigious job titles (or sometimes, lack thereof), who follows us on social media, and how frequently we are willing to do or take it, I feel that it is extremely important to challenge the meaning of success because we cannot afford not to do so. We’re going to have an entire discussion on this particular question I’ve been pondering affecting countless hours for the past few weeks and, let me tell you, it’s been a rollercoaster of self discovery. Most of us nowadays are pawns in the modern rat race, running ourselves ragged, chasing after goals which no one has sneakily deposited into our heads in plain view, but which we chase none the less.
The Hidden Cost of Traditional Success Metrics
We all know how it feels when you have gnawing feeling in you that tells you to tick the conventional success boxes. The car, the office, the drone of the perfect family on Instagram. However, the most ironic aspect is that studies repeatedly indicate the lack of this proven relationship with genuine happiness. According to an interesting study in the University of California, those who focused on material objectives were around thrice as likely to battle depression and relationship issues, as well as anxiety. Seems like we all have been up so high on top of some sorts of the massive ladder, we find out that the ladder we have been climbing on for ages has been leaning on the wrong wall!
The Burnout Epidemic
Literally sick, we’re on a pressure to meet these socially prescribed standards of success. And boy, are these numbers eye opening: About 77 percent of professionals currently at work said they have experienced burnout at their current job (according to recent statistics). That’s not just a number, that’s people paying a very high price in terms of their psyches, and sometimes destroying their bodies, at the feet of society’s demandsp. As for the outrageous amount of anxiety meds being prescribed these days… Actually, you know what? We should go there – they are important.
Breaking Free from the Mold
The Courage to Choose Differently
Perhaps the most liberating moment in life comes when you must find and say optimistically: ‘You know what?’ “Earlier, he said to her, that’s not working anymore for me.” It felt like finally peeling off the incredibly uncomfortable shoes you’ve been wearing all day based off the word of someone that they were fashionable. The fear of judgment, and the relief is immediate. That is a little slower to dissipate. I promise you, from experience, I’ve been there and done that, I even got the t shirt.
Redefining Personal Metrics of Success
Miracles ensue as soon as we begin making our own success metrics. We start chasing goals that do light us up inside instead of chasing someone else’s dream. Maybe success means easily finding time to sit down and reading a a book in peace; or taking a Wednesday off to go hiking. It may be about holding onto meaningful relationships or to acts that you desire to see succeeded. Whatever it may be, it is YOUR definition and that’s what gives it power.
The Practical Steps to Authentic Living
Auditing Your Current Life Choices
First of all, you have to take an honest inventory of your life choices. Is that not the job that pays you well because you like it the most or just it seems good on paper to remain in it? Is living in that high price neighborhood something you actually want to do or it is just to be among the Jones? Spoiled: The Joneses, in all probability, are as unhappy. Self reflection can be uncomfortable, but hey, growth does not occur in the comfort zone.
Creating Your Personal Success Framework
Creating your own success framework has nothing to do with discarding it all and moving to a cabin in the woods. It has to do with choosing those things which YOU care about mindfully. This might include:
- Setting boundaries around work hours
- Prioritizing experiences over possessions
- Regardless, these are relationships to be invested in.
- Not working to monetize their hobbies
- Physical and mental health should also be taken care of.
The Unexpected Benefits of Letting Go
Something truly spectacular starts to materialize once you break free from the tight grip of societal demands. It means that you cease trying to maintain a facade of the self you want to convey to others, and tend to develop relationships with higher authenticity. Perhaps it will free your creativity since you do not always think about how the others will judge your work. And, most of all, you feel a peace that you never could through any external validation.
The Ripple Effect
As soon as you begin to live more authentically, it will ripple in the community. Some see you with fear of and jealousy of you breaking free from conventional expectations; they think to themselves: maybe I can as well! Giving silent permission for others to question their own choices and even change for the better if they realize some of their choices aren’t values aligned with some of my values.
Navigating the Challenges
Deciding to take a path other than the traditional route never has been. Family members not understanding your choices might lead you to resistance from them. While your friends may greet the decision to not go after that promotion everyone’s elbowing for with raised eyebrows, your colleagues will not. Yes, there will be times of doubt when you start to doubt yourself and if you are making the right decision or not.
Dealing with Criticism
The fact of the matter is, people are going to have opinions about the choices you make — they always do. The good news is that when it comes to someone’s reaction to your decisions most of the times it is about their own insecurities and not about you. Criticism, in particular, is a very much an art form and one that you have to practice.
Moving Forward
And knowing that we’ve come to an end (and thank you for sticking with me on this ride), you must know redefining success isn’t a one time, but an ongoing, process. It’s filling lots of time and energy asking yourself if this still serves you. Things will be sometimes Yes, sometimes no, it is acceptable. The beauty is built around the ability to pick and pounce as you go.
Truly, our way to the real joy isn’t accomplished when we fulfill what the society wants us to do but rather when we can have courage to rewrite our own definition of ‘success’. Hence, to freedom from the mold and accepting our true selves, to joy in the road that lies ahead of us. That is, don’t real success stories consist of feeling fulfilled by the way we treated people on the way up?
Frotpox 